That doesn't seem right

I get recipes shazammed to my inbox by a couple of sites, and I like many of them.  I rarely attempt them as they are, but they're a good basic starting point for coming up with ideas.  Sometimes the pictures accompanying the recipe make me drool all over my keyboard.  Some days, however, I'm thinking "THAT'S the one you went with?" while looking at the picture.  Today, Kraft's site sent a less than pleasant looking piece of chicken splayed out for the world to see.  Its title was "Tasty Bistro Chicken" written at the top.

Now, first, if you're putting the word "tasty" right in the title, I'm suspicious.  Why tell me it's tasty?  Wouldn't I know that if I tried it?  Are you trying to negate aforementioned not wholly pleasing picture?  I cry foul! Oh, I didn't even plan that.  Cry foul? Fowl? Get it?  Oh, I amuse myself.

Onward!

What exactly is it about said piece of chicken and/or the recipe that makes it "bistro" if you will?  Aren't bistros places to eat and unwind?  Is the chicken made in some way that I will be immediately relaxed upon tasting it? If it's made in my home, it can't be made IN a bistro, so that's out.  Bistro is French, so is there something inherently French about the recipe?  Inquiring minds want to know.  If you've got any insight, bring it people!

That's lunch??

Last week I went to my daughter's school and surprised her with a Subway sandwich for lunch.  I did this mainly out of guilt.  It was "education week" (what's the rest of the time they spend in school, I wondered, but I digress) and they had some special dealio that I couldn't attend due to a prior commitment I couldn't get out of.  Whining and crying commenced, and I ended up bringing lunch.

The girl doesn't eat much lunch at school.  She likes maybe five of the items they offer, and she's not a big milk drinker, so she rarely goes through the line.  That day, she was supposed to buy their "Thanksgiving special" lunch consisting of turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce.  A few exceedingly disturbing things occurred while I was there:

1. I got a LOOK at this "Thanksgiving special" lunch.  To call it "special" is so over the top it's not even believable.  To call it something to be thankful for is even a stretch.  The stuffing was all pale, at the bottom of a large cup.  On top were exact cubes of turkey, think what chicken nuggets would look like if they were naked.  Mull on that for a bit.  Naked, perfectly cubed, looking obviously processed, turkey.  Covered in pale gravy.  I tell you, the only thing I'd ever seen before was the cranberry sauce.  Yeah, it was the from a can jellied kind.  Secretly, I have a bit of a yen for it every year.  I know it's bad, but leave the Martha Stewart stuff and give me that sugary jelly any time.
2. A little girl across from me ate her lunch, every last bit.  She had cold cocktail weenies, pretzel sticks, and ketchup packets.  I'm hoping beyond all hope this was just the desperate day before grocery shopping gets done and there's nothing else in the house.  She was pretty adept at opening that ketchup, though.
3. My girl was looked upon like a circus freak because she had spinach (and lots of it!) in her sandwich.  One girl said "I don't think I've ever SEEN spinach."  I'm hoping their moms, like me, have simply been lying and calling it lettuce.

Not sure when I'll be back, because it's definitely not an appetite-inducing place.

I might fail junior high

Someone once told me in an offhand way I'm a born teacher. I took it as the greatest of compliments, but often I don't feel I'm a born teacher. I think I have a sense of showmanship that makes learning more palatable, and I appreciate how hard it is to learn things. Perhaps part of it too is I read people well, and I can tell when they're struggling. At the same time, I feel intense frustration with those who have all the tools but can't just get their crap together. I'm even more frustrated by those who are capable, more than capable, and just won't go even an extra inch, let alone a mile. Too often, I take those people home in my head, torturing myself with ways I could have done things differently, wondering if a flip comment I've made has devastated someone. I nurture those failures far more than I should, and I don't celebrate successes often enough.

I think it's because of all of this, God gave me the children I've got, and it's making me nuts.

My oldest is a very, very smart boy. He picks things up very quickly and can impart things to others just as quickly. He loves to soak up knowledge about all things. Unfortunately, he would lose limbs if they weren't attached to his body. I finally went to the second hand store and bought five hoodies at a much cheaper than retail cost. Two are still with us. The same attitude applies to his school work. He gets A's on all his tests. His grades are C's. Why? Homework disappears between home and school. I'd swear there's a black hole somewhere between.

I've tried everything I know and some things I didn't to get him on track. Planners, calendars, incentives, punishments, modeling behavior, writing lists, giving tips and tricks, none of it has worked. Daily it flummoxes me and frustrates me to the point I have to give myself a time out.

Luckily, most of his teachers see he's a good kid who is smart but just distracted by his internal dialogue. But his grades are still affected, and I'm still slowly going insane. Stay tuned for how it turns out. Expect much drama in weeks to come, as he's on entertainment bread and water. It's getting frayed on all ends.

I just threw up a little in my mouth

I'm an only child AND I was a girl, so I don't understand ANY aspect of what occurred in my house today.

Cubby left his toothbrush on the edge of the sink after using it this morning (He used it!  Yeah!), whereupon Brownie promptly elbowed it while she was brushing her teeth (She was brushing! Yeah!) into the toilet.  Our bathroom is the size of a stingy changing room, so ick, yes, but I simply told her to fish it out and put it in the garbage.  Cuz, hey, if anyone was sticking their hand in toilet water, it wasn't going to be me.  I've had my life's quota.  Done and done, and I promptly forgot about it, moving on to the bigger fish I have to fry.

This is what I don't understand, never having had a sibling. . . 

Apparently, Cubby went to brush his teeth again because, well, whatever.  I don't argue with extra brushing.  Remember, I've completely forgotten the toothbrush emergency earlier.  Brownie watched him brush his teeth, THEN proceeded to inform him she THOUGHT she'd knocked that toothbrush into the toilet, but it couldn't be that one, because she'd put that one in the garbage.  Yes, she WAITED until he was done.  Ew!

Next part I don't understand, never having been a boy. . .

Cubby said he SAW the toothbrush in. the. garbage. thought it had simply fallen, but it was facing up, so he simply retrieved it and USED it!

I'll wait while you do that whole body shiver while repeating gross, gross, gross about 100 times.  That's what I did.

He then proceeded to dip BROWNIE'S toothbrush in the toilet for "a little dip" as he said.  Brownie then lost her damn mind because she "liked that toothbrush."  Meanwhile, I'm ripping the packaging off new toothbrushes for everyone.

Is this normal???  It seriously can't be.

Update to Hershey-gate

The kids finished their lunches in total, I think mainly because they were so scared at my reaction as they walked out the door to the full Hershey bars that they feared it would never happen again.  After the hot light and questioning, however, they both admitted they ate the chocolate bars first or near first.

Uh-huh.  I still vote for more training.

He needs more training

I've handled the morning routine for our kids for the last few years, because the hubbster has been working nights.  Allowing the nearly unconscious to perform morning duties--which he has a few times when I've been out of town or incapacitated--equals bad things happening, like critical items left behind and strange items ending up in lunches. 

The problem with this system?  I am a HORRIFIC morning person.  I seriously don't perk up until nighttime, and if I stay up past midnight, I'm UP until 3am.  I'm convinced this is a genetic condition, as I've been this way since childhood.  There may or may not STILL be a nickname of "Sunshine" floating around and used by certain people when referring to me due to witnessing my epic bad mood in the mornings, AS A SIX YEAR OLD.  As a result, I have the morning routine scheduled down. to. the. second. internoodles.  My children are awakened with precisely enough time to get their crap together, throw food in their mouths, and get the heck out the door.  This provides maximum sleepage. For ME.

Since he was changing his sleeping habits, I laid off a bit, but I was secretly thrilled to share the morning routine and maybe sleep in a day here and there.  Today was supposed to be his first day totally ON.  It was not the strongest of showings.

• Lights were blazing in multiple rooms, because no one was reminded to turn them off (Seriously, what is UP with that?  Does anyone else not know how the light switches work?)
• He drove both of them (I rarely do, as we're only three blocks away, and exercise is good for them.  Yeah, I invoke my whole "I had to walk a mile. . . both ways" clause from childhood.)
• I heard suspicious cheers, then more suspicious shushing coming from the kitchen.  The Informant--Brownie--told me with little questioning that Dad had put Hershey bars in their lunches!  That's right, full sized Hershey bars, not Halloween sized, big giant ones.  Anyone else know how this will turn out?  I'll give you a hint, the kids will come home jacked up on sugar, not having eaten the rest of their lunch (God knows what was in them), because they have precious little time to eat.  That's another post, though.

Hear that soft banging sound?  It's my head against the table.  Please, please, pray he gets a job soon, internoodles. 

What I've learned about my household

Now that my husband is out of work, he's in charge on the night I teach some late classes.  I arrive home about 9:30, when things should be calmed down, kids sequestered in rooms.  These are the things I've noticed:

• I am the only person in my household who can turn OFF an electric appliance and/or light switch when exiting a room.  I came home last night, and the kitchen and living room were ablaze, even though no one was anywhere near them.
• Paper towels can only be replenished by Mom.  Who knew?  They all know where the paper towels are kept, yet I keep walking in to an empty spindle.
• My daughter actually does homework better with her dad than she does with me.  With me there is much lamenting, keening, and rending of cloth.  With Dad, she just does it.  SO not fair.
• When it comes to meals, my kids can talk my husband into going out with little to no effort.  It does not help that left to his own devices, he would eat fast food every day of his life.  They ate at Cici's last night (Blech!), even though I'd said he needed to MAKE dinner. At least a coupon was used.
• The dog was the only one happy to see me.

Please, God, let him go back to work SOON!