Thursday, November 15, 2012

I might fail junior high

Someone once told me in an offhand way I'm a born teacher. I took it as the greatest of compliments, but often I don't feel I'm a born teacher. I think I have a sense of showmanship that makes learning more palatable, and I appreciate how hard it is to learn things. Perhaps part of it too is I read people well, and I can tell when they're struggling. At the same time, I feel intense frustration with those who have all the tools but can't just get their crap together. I'm even more frustrated by those who are capable, more than capable, and just won't go even an extra inch, let alone a mile. Too often, I take those people home in my head, torturing myself with ways I could have done things differently, wondering if a flip comment I've made has devastated someone. I nurture those failures far more than I should, and I don't celebrate successes often enough.

I think it's because of all of this, God gave me the children I've got, and it's making me nuts.

My oldest is a very, very smart boy. He picks things up very quickly and can impart things to others just as quickly. He loves to soak up knowledge about all things. Unfortunately, he would lose limbs if they weren't attached to his body. I finally went to the second hand store and bought five hoodies at a much cheaper than retail cost. Two are still with us. The same attitude applies to his school work. He gets A's on all his tests. His grades are C's. Why? Homework disappears between home and school. I'd swear there's a black hole somewhere between.

I've tried everything I know and some things I didn't to get him on track. Planners, calendars, incentives, punishments, modeling behavior, writing lists, giving tips and tricks, none of it has worked. Daily it flummoxes me and frustrates me to the point I have to give myself a time out.

Luckily, most of his teachers see he's a good kid who is smart but just distracted by his internal dialogue. But his grades are still affected, and I'm still slowly going insane. Stay tuned for how it turns out. Expect much drama in weeks to come, as he's on entertainment bread and water. It's getting frayed on all ends.

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