Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Look out, drop off line!

To the woman in the brand new BMW who could not wait two minutes for everyone in the drop off line to move forward and had to spin around from in back of me to cut me off and take the spot in front of me, nearly causing a multiple car accident, are you insane?  Did you take your meds this morning?

Let's look at this from the beginning.  There are at least 20 visible cars in line.  We would be here until school got out if we all waited until we were at the front of the line to let our kids out, so we're reasonable people and have three or four cars at a time--just as long as they're on the concrete, not the grass--boot kiddies into the cruel day.  No, I did not immediately spin out from my spot, blocking everyone else in front of me in, because I have a minivan.  The doors are automatic.  I need to wait until the back door closes before I put it in gear.  If I don't, the door remains open, and I look like some A-Team reject, burning rubber with my door hanging open, waiting for people to jump into my van so I can rescue them.  I'm not a mercenary, and anyway, it's etiquette for all of us who've dropped off to leave single file.

A second point of note is that you are driving not what I assumed to be a brand new BMW, but what I observed to be a brand new BMW from the "plate applied for" sticker, the BMW insignia (obviously) and the glow of money that hovers over that paint job.  (Seriously, did you get the tears of virgins and wash it with that or what?).  Do you not know that puts you at the bottom of the food chain?  You are the equivalent of blood in the water, fresh meat for sharks.  Me?  My 2007, seen better days mini van--I call her Priscilla--we've got battle scars.  We are the gladiators of the suburbs.  We have picked up, dropped off, hauled stuff AND people, camped out, gotten lost and found again.  A little bang or ding on Priss?  That just marks her as a Warrior to others.  YOUR ride?  It's not made for these mean streets, so I wouldn't be tempting fate cutting people off if I were you.

Oh, and by the way that little stunt?  That was your one.  That's all you get, just so you know.  Because I WILL get out of my van next time, IN MY PAJAMAS AND SLIPPERS and take you down to Crazy Town.  I don't often visit there, but when I do, I act like I'm the mayor.  It won't be pretty, my children will nearly die of embarrassment, but it will be WORTH IT! 

Fair warning, that's all I'm saying.

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